Waiter, there's a hair in my salad salad in my hair

* From my Draft Folder

My scalp was bothering me. I tried olive oil. It helped. 24 hours later I looked up how to get olive oil out of my hair. The answer... vinegar.

All I need now is croutons.

Stop acting like an inmate!

A woman kept yelling this at someone a few yards behind me. Eventually I glanced to see what was going on. I thought she might be annoyed with an adult who was having socialization problems now that they were no longer incarcerated, but no. The comment was directed at a child who was being too rowdy.

I suppose it's no worse than saying "Stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off." I mean seriously, is that an image you want in your kids' heads, right next to their dreams of lollipops and rainbow colored unicorns?

Still... "Stop acting like an inmate!?" What the heck?

* From my Draft Folder

Saved to draft

I have over 50 unpublished posts saved to draft.

Some are rants. Writing about something that irks me is easy. Publishing it, not so much.

Some are rambly - You know. The ones written on days when you think "I'll just write something. That's gotta be better than nothing." - And then realize, it's not.

Many are writing prompts that I had answers to but don't think they're interesting enough to warrant cluttering up the blog and/or the interwebnet.

Some were timely. And the time passed.

****

Above is FROM "Draft Folder!" :)

Will publish "from draft" this week.

Yes, EXACTLY like that!

Me

They recognized me. That was weird. I didn't expect that.

Friend

Why?

Me

I don't know. I only met them once, and… I don't know… I don't think of myself as being that memorable looking, that someone would remember what I looked like later. PLUS my hair was down and I was wearing totally different clothes. Last time I was wearing a headband and my hair was back in a ponytail.

Friend

And you think that makes you look totally different.

Me

Yes.

Friend

So you think you're like Superman.

Me

(Pause)

YES!!!!

Feelin' no pain

Conversation with a friend after surgery

Me

How are you feeling?

Her

Good! Good! Except I think the meds they gave me are making me hallucinate... I keep seeing all these weird images.... like Christmas ornaments with evil muppet mouths... opening and closing.... and they're all sparkly... Really vivid! And they keep popping up...

Me

Are your eyes open or closed when you see these images?

Her

Closed.

Me

Well that's a plus.

(Later)

Her

You know how people get those surgeries to have wiskers put in? Like a cat? Maybe you could have that done someday! You could have cat whiskers surgically put in!

Me

Cat whiskers...

Her

Yeah! And then you could get one of those tattoos to look like you have spots all over you.... like cats do! Like a leopard!

Me

You know... it's been a long time since I've spoken with someone who's high as a kite. I kind of miss these little talks.

Just a spoonful of sugar....

My friend's kids got a cake making kit. Guess who got to supervise?

Here's how they're supposed to look

And here's how they actually looked.

(We liked to call this "the cheeseburger stage")

The cakes were about the size of a cupcake bottom with no top, and there was more icing on these than cake, so when the kids asked if they could eat them, I said they could each have 1/4 of their cakes. - Which was essentially the same thing as scooping out 2 tablespoons of confectioner's sugar, adding food coloring, and saying "here!"

It didn't take long before their speech ramped up to about a hundred miles per hour and they were ricochetting off the walls. Their "crashes" later were just as evident. Funny to watch, in a way, but thank God I didn't say "Sure! Pop the whole thing in your mouth!" 

Geiko Possum Commercial

Been laughing at this for several weeks now. (Laughed at it again just now!) Posting this mostly for overseas readers.

There's a whole series of similar commercials whose premise is to show bad ways to save money, followed by the suggestion that you save money by buying their affordable insurance instead.

My other two "money saving" favorites are a couple that use a "Rescue Panther" instead of a home security system (watch this in full screen mode!), and a man who gets "Popular Girls" from a local school to follow him around and berate his eating habits instead of signing up for a weight loss program.

Outed Myself (anon-wise)

I have a highly intelligent friend. I believe we determined she's about 5 IQ points higher than me ;) As such, since I just mistakenly emailed her from this blog's account, I'm pretty sure she'll put things together and find me here!

*waves!*

So, ummmm... Hmmm... don't know what to call you... you'll have to tell me. I'll call you... "A" for the moment ;)

I'm pretty sure there's nothing here you don't already know or wouldn't know. I blog anonymously so feel free to read, comment, and don't use my actual name. - Hmmm... now I could probably tell stories about us on here. Don't think I'd done that yet. Was thinking about it re our recent discussion about toaster guy and foil hats ;)

Ah well... one "real life" person now knows where I blog. Luckily, she's pretty awesome :)

(Let's see what else I can mess up today...)

A little Bounce in your breakfast

If you visit someone frequently enough, that you leave certain belongings at their home to use when you're there, such as clothes and food, which you store in a box in the top of a closet…

And if, to save space, you put oatmeal in a ziploc bag and store it in that box, along with your clothing and other items…

You will end up with fabric softener flavored oatmeal. Which, having now had it for two days straight, I can pretty much guarantee, would not be a big seller.

---

* I'm away again for a while. Please excuse me if/when I fall behind in my reading. I will do my best to catch up eventually!

Nesting Dolls

(Click picture to see these better)

I learned something new the other day. Russian nesting dolls have identical nested dolls inside, and Ukrainian nesting dolls have dolls with different designs nested within each other. - Who knew? 

The sets in this picture were 5 or 10 dolls deep. I didn't get one but I was tempted. I might the next time I see them. My favorite was when the seller opened a set for me and said "See? Father... Inside... Mother... Inside... Daughter... Cat... Chicken!" - I started laughing at "Cat" (Daughter... CAT?) but "Chicken" just about did me in!

* Every time I post something I've shared with friends in "real life," I worry they'll find my blog and "un anon" me or think I STOLE material from here!  For the record: - I TOTALLY did not! :)

Tea and Spices

Pinterest (My happy place)

Pinterest has been my "Happy Place" for a while now. I pin recipes I want to try (and have tried some!) clothing I like (which has helped me figure out specific items I wanted to buy) holiday ideas... Sometimes I just go there and look... and scroll.... and look.... and scroll... eventually I feel kinda happy. - Possibly even motivated!

I've been wanting a "Recent Pins" Pinterest widget (gadget) for my sidebar for months, but I wasn't able to find one for Blogger, until today! Marie, at Code It Pretty, wrote one and it's perfect! To see my most recent pins, roll over the pics in my Pinterest widget. To see all my pins at Pinterest, click the logo.

Thank you Marie!

Edit: Also added a little more code from CSS Globe to center the image snippets in the thumbnails.

How to "Un Follow" in Blogger

* Updated with instructions for the New Blogger Interface.

This post comes to you in honor of a blogging friend of mine, who deleted her blog a while ago, leaving her blog's ULR up for grabs. Said blog URL is now being used by a Prostate Cancer site.

For anyone who can't figure out how to Un Follow the old site (and stop receiving daily Prostate Cancer posts in their Blogger Dashboard!) this post is for you :)


To Un Follow a site via Blogger:

• Log into Blogger and go to http://www.blogger.com/home
• If you're using the Old Blogger Interface: In your Blogger Dashboard, click on the "Manage" button (The "Manage" button is next to the "Add" button.)
• If you're using the New Blogger Interface:
• Scroll down the page until you see the words "Reading List | All blogs" on the left side of the page.
• Opposite those words, on the right side of the page, is a link that says "View in Google Reader."
• Next to that link, on the right, is a button with a cog on it. Click the cog button.
• You'll then see a list of blogs you follow.
• Click on the "Settings" link next to the blog you want to unfollow.
• If you get a pop up window asking you to log in, then:
• Sign into Google with your same info, even if you already signed into Blogger or another Google product before. (There are other buttons there to sign in with but I use Google.)
• The page with your list of blogs should reload itself (give it a few seconds!)
• Click on the "settings" link next to the blog you want to unfollow again.
• You should see another pop up window with a link on the right that says "Stop Following This Site." Click that!
• Click the "Stop Following" button in the confirmation window that pops up.
• The page with your blogging list should refresh itself again.
• Poof! That blog is gone from your list :)

12 hours later I'm still laughing at this

From Pinterest :)

Not a hat

Phone conversation with a friend after her first "pre-chemo" shave

Me

How's your head feel?

Her

Ok. Bald.

Me

How's the wig?

Her

Hot. And tight. It feels like I'm wearing a really tight hat. I have to get used to it.

Me

Better than loose. I mean, you don't want it flopping around.

Her

Yeah, but it really feels like a hat, and I have to remember it's not. I'm worried I'm going to walk into a store and pull it off.

The Tree Man Cometh

* From an email I just sent two friends.

Last night, on my way home, I came across a creepy 10 foot tree who was quietly walking up to restaurant windows, leaning down to peek inside, and scaring the crap out of people! It's dark. HE'S dark, and everyone he passed was stunned into silence or screams. I, of course, walked right up to him and started talking! Because I'm not afraid of trees OR crazy people! Lol!

He was visiting friends in the neighborhood and had decided to go for a "nature" walk, he's from California and is traveling across the country doing a documentary, and if you take his picture he smiles and says "Trees!" He was quiet, laid back, and very funny.

I ran into two neighbors, while walking with him, who were completely freaked out, and when they saw me talking to him they still weren't sure what to do. (I think they were trying to figure out whether to mount a rescue mission, or sacrifice me to save their own lives!) They eventually came closer and I saw them smile nervously, but after he left they said if he'd started chasing them they would have run away screaming. I said if he'd started chasing me I would have stared at him in confusion. (What would he have done? Molt? ;) )

Part of me wishes I'd followed him for a bit (we only walked about a block together and then I was home), but I thought that might seem creepy. - It's bad when you think you might be creepier than a giant tree on stilts walking around your neighborhood at 10pm.

Body Snatchers

I sat next to a woman today. A very intelligent, lucid, entertaining woman, who was talking about her ailments. Except she kept saying "Aliens." - I wish I'd had a tape recorder going!

Her

I got so many aliens... And you know, the doctors? They don't tell you about all the different aliens you got. They don't go into details about your aliens! But I got a LOT of aliens in my body.

Y Love

I have an interesting relationship with my brain. It does things that amuse and perplex me at times, and I always notice. Often I wonder if it's some kind of subconscious message. Sometimes it is. - Like when I find myself with a seemingly random song stuck in my head and realize the lyrics are relevant to something I'm going through.

Today as I was walking through my home, doing nothing in particular, I recalled a really good memory, and in a moment filled with love for this memory, I made the "I love you" sign with both of my hands. - Except I didn't… when I looked at my hands, the index finger hadn't popped up on the left side. So in effect, what I'd made was the "love" sign on the right hand, and the letter "Y" on the left.

"Why Love" indeed.

Home Alone

A Relative

So what are you going to do while I'm gone?

Me

I figured I'd invite all your neighbors over for a party, since I'll have the place to myself. But don't worry. I'll be sure to let them know where all the important papers and jewelry are kept so they know not to touch them. 

It's all semetics

A friend was just telling me about a school meeting she remembers, where a teacher was reprimanded for teaching sex education in their classroom. At the meeting, an angry parent stood up and said they didn't want their daughter in the same room as a bunch of boys while everyone was talking about their "Gentiles." Which led my friend to lean in to the person next to her and ask "What about the family Jews?"

Hibiscus

Large, vibrantly colored flowers have popped up all over since I was last here. - And I was only "last here" a month ago! I asked a friend what they were. (Because she knows everything, and seems happy to answer my never ending questions about "What's this? And this? And that thing? And that bird!" - For which I am grateful. Everyone else shrugs and says "I dunno.")

"They're Hibiscus" she told me. "All of them."  I'd thought they looked similar, except for the colors, but there were some I hadn't realized were in the same category. "The dogs eat them all the time." She said. "They're edible."

"Your dogs eat a lot of things." I reminded her. "That doesn't automatically make something 'edible.'"

"Ok." she countered. "The dogs eat them and don't die."

She also told me that, among other things, Hibiscus are used in Red Zinger tea. They're what give the tea its "red." (I know... the rest of the world probably knew that already. Now I know too :) )

At the end of our walk, I thanked her for the two flowers she'd handed me, then held out the orange one and said "This is a Double Hibiscus." - I knew this, now, because she'd told me 15 minutes earlier. You can tell it's a Double Hibiscus because of the second layer of  petals within the first.

"Yes." she said, "And what's the other one?"

I looked at the other flower in my hand, then triumphantly thrust it forward and said "Pink!"

"Yes..." she said, "that's the color, but what kind is it?"

I looked at it again, and after a moment of pondering, I held it out again - with more authority this time - and gleefully proclaimed "- PINK!" :)

It's a "Flamingo Pink" Hibiscus

Walking your "Elder"

I've figured out how to exercise one of my relatives.

Say something that sounds like I'm talking about them on the phone -> They'll start tailing me as I continue talking and walking around the house from room to room. - I could keep it up for hours ;)

Oh sure... you say "Evil." - I say "cardiovascular workout" :)

In Flight

As I sit here on the plane, during an unusually bumpy takeoff, I am reminded of a really bad joke:

"I hope I die peacefully in my sleep, like my father. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

I am also reminded that my Dramamine is in the overhead compartment. You know, the compartment you can't open during the flight? Not much help to me there.

Yes, I've already located the barf bag.

For anyone who's wondering, I escaped grope downs and naked X-rays so far. I'm also wearing a wireless bra. - That I remembered. But the Dramamine? That's out of reach!

Anger

* Edit: I have debated taking this down, but I'm going to leave it here for now. Things were very very difficult for me for several months. On the outside I was nice (I'm always nice), but I was stressed 24/7, my safety was threatened by the thoughtlessness of several different people (all unrelated!) and I was angry. I was angry all the time.

---

I go to bed angry. I wake up angry. I calm down a tiny bit. Then various people interfere with my temporary peace, and I get more angry, again. By the time I go to bed I may feel the slightest bit better, or the cumulative effect could make me feel worse. Either way, I go to bed angry.

I've been like this for a while and I don't see an end. I wondered if it might be "me" and not "them." I got my hormones checked. They came back normal. "Are you under any stress?" the Doctors asked. "Yes" I answered. "Everyone is causing me stress! That's why I'm angry at them!" - Duh! ;)

I'd hoped hormones could be blamed for some of it. They can't. It's "them" and I'm not doing well with any of "them" right now. And I'm about to leave to take care of another one of "their" lives for a few weeks to try to get things in place for them to be more ok on their own so I can return to less contact, or at least a more comfortable level of contact for me.

I don't want to go. I don't want to do anything. I want everybody to be able to take care of themselves. I hate everybody. "Oh you don't really hate them" would not be accurate. I do. It's not love that I feel. It's pity. Responsibility. "Moral rightness." "Shoulds." It makes me sad.

People don't change. But some get more manipulative. Some more vulnerable. Some more manipulative and more vulnerable. I don't know what to do with that. It's easier on my mind to help than to pretend I don't see. But it's not easy. I would be all right if these people never contacted me again - if they were ok. I don't want them lying in a street somewhere or being abused in some facility. I don't (usually) wish them ill. I wish them independence and in another world. No contact. No photos. No accidental meetings or 2nd or 3rd hand information from others. Living in a nice little house on a hill, with a white picket fence, in a bubble that doesn't go near my world. I want that.

I don't experience joy from anyone in my life right now. I experience some gratitude. Some immense gratitude and thankfulness from random acts of kindness I sometimes get from others. Always noticed. But no joy. Only anger, and more anger. I am angry, all the time.

Dessert Bar at Whole Foods

❤  Happy Valentine's Day  ❤

I'm tired of no snow

I am. I like snow. I want snow. Almost every time it's snowed in the past few years, I've been out of town, watching on TV, cursing my luck to be anywhere else but smack dab in the middle of a blizzard. This year I've been home at the right times, and there's been NO SNOW. (- Ok, there was about 2 days of a little bit of snow when I was flat on my back with the flu. Even with the flu I considered going out, but my lungs had other plans!)

I'm giving up on snow. It's late. We're almost at mid February. I know there could be snow as late as March, but I'll be away again soon, and all extended forecasts show NO SNOW on the horizon. Maybe it'll come while I'm away. Maybe it'll snow when I get back. THAT'S TOO FAR AWAY!

I like my current "Snow" blog template, but given the circumstances it feels off. I'm not eager for spring or summer, or for winter to be over. But if winter isn't even coming, then the whole "snow" thing seems out of sync. Every time I come here I think "Snow? There IS NO SNOW! :P " I feel like a kid waiting in a snowsuit in 60 degree weather.

I think I may switch back to my default Pink template. -Because it's more neutral for me and less emotionally charged! I could pretend it's pink for Valentine's Day and maybe add a heart or two, but the real reason will be because it's not snowing, there's been no snow, it's not going to snow, and I'm moving on! :P

DO YOU HEAR THAT SNOW MISER?! I'm MOVING ON!

Edit: And done! Credits at the very bottom of the blog (where they always are.)

Engrish

Engrish.com is a site about unfortunate translation errors. When I need a laugh, I go there and read a minimum of 4 pages. - It always works.

Today I got through the first page with only a few minor chuckles. Then I read the Batman Begins Playing Card (below) and that did it for me. Maybe because I recently watched this movie (twice!) and totally missed this part of the plot ;)

* For those of you who've never seen the film, "Batman Begins" is about how Batman came to be. Bruce Wayne's parents were murdered in front of him when he was around 10 years old. He grew up wanting revenge and eventually became a vigilante. The movie shows how he learned all his cool stunts (from Ninjas), where his gadgets, car, and costume came from, why he decided to use the symbol of a bat, and how he came to use the basement under his mansion. That's the movie I saw. But, like I said, it seems I missed something... (Click the picture to read, and don't give up halfway. You'll miss it ;) )

Photo courtesy of Engrish.com

I haven't seen this room before

It looks bigger than the rooms I usually see.

Edit: This is "Kibo," the Japanese Experiment Module.

I haven't watched the Space Station very much these past few months. (- I was away... then I was sick...) I think I may start watching it more again. For some reason, it brings me a great sense of peace. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it seems so unreal, and yet, it is real. I think I need that in my life in some ways. For more [good] unreal things to be real.

Gingerbread "Adventures"

A friend and I visited the Bontanical Gardens on one of the coldest days of the year, but that didn't stop us from trying to take in as much as we could while we were there. The "Gingerbread Adventures" in the children's garden seemed worth a look.

They look friendly, don't they?

The garden may be lush and bursting with color in the spring and summer, but in the winter, with no snow, it's a bit bleak. Lots of rocks and roped paths, with a few Christmas ornaments and some cut out gingerbread figures dotting the landscape. I stared at these two for a moment until my friend turned around and asked what I was looking at.

I stared a bit longer, then said, "Is that one pointing a canon at us?"

It's a light. Or so they'd like us to think! ;) - Gives a whole new meaning to the words "Gingerbread Adventures!"

Changing things up again

This is what I did yesterday instead of everything I was supposed to be doing.

Credits

I'm sleeping with earplugs for the rest of my life

Today I learned (through a random conversation with a woman who's an audiologist) that cockroaches can't crawl backwards.

I've seen plenty of cockroaches in my life, and somehow I've never noticed this.

Why is this important? Because, apparently, if a cockroach crawls into an ear canal, it can't get out. They can go in to your ear, but since there's no room in your ear to turn around, and since they can't crawl backwards, the only way to get cockroaches out of your ear is for a doctor to remove them with tweezers.

- Hence the title of my post.

Spelling

Her

How do you spell "Spinach?" Is it S… P…. E?

Me

S P… I ... N A … C H.

Her

No way.

Me

Yes!

Her

S P E N...

Me

No.

Her

Look it up.

Me

Fine! Come over here and see.

(Me, pointing at the computer screen)

There, see? S P I N A C H. Let me see what you wrote...

(Pause)

That's "S PENIS" - If you're serving that tonight, I'm eating out.