I won't go into all the reasons I take issue with the new security measures at airports. It's all been said by others already. Suffice it to say, I do not want naked x-rays or an extended pat down (and remember, this is not a regular pat down that avoids your face, head, and private parts. The extended pat down fully gropes all of those areas looking for contraband - like Snow Globes.)

Which is why, while I was waiting in line to go through a regular airport checkpoint, I had a sudden wave of panic as the following thoughts went through my head...
Me (In my head)
Oh my God... I'm wearing an underwire bra.
Is that... Will that set off the metal detector? 
What if I set off the metal detector and get pulled aside for NAKED X-RAYS and an EXTENDED GROPE DOWN?!!   
Why didn't I wear a different bra?! I wore a non-underwire bra yesterday and made it through security without a hitch! (-and then they cancelled my flight!) How could I not think of doing the same today! HOW COULD THIS NOT OCCUR TO ME???!
Maybe it won't set off the metal detectors. Is that enough metal to even register? 
Keys set off metal detectors... That's more metal though.... 
BELT BUCKELS! I've seen BELT buckles, and buckles on shoes set them off!
Omg... my bra could totally set off the metal detectors.
(panicked pause) 
- Maybe I can take it off... 
I'm sure I could get it off without anybody else in line noticing. [For any guys reading, girls can do that! ;) ] - If I just play it real cool... if I'm calm.... I can take it off under my shirt and then.... 
And then what? What do I do with it once it's off? 
I might be able to remove it while standing in line without anybody noticing, but I doubt I could get it out from under my shirt and into my suitcase without anyone seeing. Crap! I totally wouldn't be able to get it from under my shirt to the suitcase without anybody seeing!!! 
I could put it in a pocket... No... that doesn't help. Then it'll still be on me when I go through the metal detector.
Imaginary TSA agent
"What's that?"
Imaginary Me 
"Oh that's just my bra my pocket."

For anyone who's read this far, I left it on and, panicked as I was, I made it through the metal detector without any problem. - But don't think I didn't make a specific POINT of wearing a non underwire bra for my trip home!


Josie said...

Ooh. Checked you out by following the trail from NaBloMoPo (or whatever) glad someone else has such extended worrying dilemmas AND you made it through security. Surely a pat down would've been worse though, if you had managed to take your bra off?
I don't know, it's been a while since I've flown and this is Oz .. . far less pat downs. Josie x

Noisy Quiet said...

I hadn't even considered that.... Extended pat down with NO BRA!

The USA has done some pretty crazy stuff where flight security is concerned. I hope it doesn't get that crazy in Oz!

Thanks for stopping by Josie! :)

kkrige said...

Very funny post. Glad you didn't have to go for the extended grope. Merry christmas!

Noisy Quiet said...

Me too! :) Thank you for stopping by! Merry Christmas to you too!

Stella said...

Ah huh, so just read the latest post. . .had forgotten you had this well developed paranoia of flying. At least it makes for excellent posts.

Noisy Quiet said...

Why thank you :) (Lest anyone ever think I'm too well adjusted ;) )

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