Audrey II

- That's what I'm calling the air mattress that tried to eat me.

The short explanation of why I'm using an air mattress, is that my old mattress was sagging and hurting my back and after flipping it (and me) to every angle and configuration possible, I finally tossed it. One of the reasons I didn't purchase a new "real" mattress is because I've been considering getting a new bed too, and that would influence the kind of mattress I'd get. So for now, an air mattress is cheap, does not hurt my back (surprisingly), and works fine. Or at least it did.

I got a Coleman queen sized mattress, and everything started out well. But then it started to grow. That's right, my mattress started to grow. The mattress stretches out over time, and I mean really stretches. As in stopped fitting onto my bed frame which caused all kinds of issues including my having to remove the headboard.

Then one night, I heard a strange hissing sound. Where was it coming from? Was it outside? No. Was it the computer? No. Radiator? - Too early in the season. No, it was the bed. I wondered if I'd be able to find the hole easily and yes I was. It was pretty large. The puncture had been caused by a sharp corner that was exposed due to my having removed the headboard. I'd padded all those corners, but clearly not enough.

I sealed the hole with some packing tape, re-inflated the bed, and all was well - For about 2 hours. Then I started getting a "sinking" feeling. So I searched for the patch that came with the mattress. It comes with a patch! That should work right? It did! - For about two hours.

I tried re-applying the patch, then cutting a different patch, then putting a patch AND packing tape over the hole. None gave any evidence of hissing, and everything seemed to be fixed - for two hours each time. After which I'd wake up in the middle of a flat oasis surrounded by air pouches on all sides. A bit like being consumed by a large deflating bouncy castle.

Finally I went out and bought a new full sized inflatable mattress in the hopes that a full might stretch to the correct size and I'd therefore be able to avoid another "puncture by sharp corner due to necessary headboard removal" incident.

I liked the first mattress, until it grew.... and I punctured it.

Oh, and I got an extended warranty on the new one! I rarely purchase extra warrantees, but the checkout guy told me it not only covers wear and tear, but idocy too. Apparently I could stab the thing a bunch of times in a fit of rage and they'd STILL replace it!

This shouldn't be so darned complicated.



Judy said...

That is so funny. The visual picture cracks me up. Maybe now would be a good time to get that bed - a Christmas present to yourself! Beats suffocating in a mattress called Audrey :)

Anny Sabine said...

Haha. Wel, I'm glad to know that at least you've got something to take your rage out on in case something else goes wrong. I mean I've thrown things at the walls sometimes but I usually have to pay for it myself, and here you go and buy a mattress an a punching bag in one! Perfect deal ;)

Noisy Quiet said...

@ Judy: The bed won't be for a while, but I see more air mattresses in my future ;)

@ Anny: Now there's a thought. Hadn't considered that!

Post a Comment

Click the "Subscribe by email" link below to receive follow-up comments to this post. (To subscribe to the blog as a whole, see my "About" page.)