A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

Saw this. Loved it. Re-printing it here :)

A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" - bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez - tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

(By either Mark Twain, or M. J. Shields. Authorship is debated.)


Kelly said...

I've never seen that before, that's awesome!

Noisy Quiet said...

You know what? In reading this again, I think aafte is spelled incorrectly. Unless "r" was considered an "unvoist konsonant". Still wouldn't explain the double "a" though... interestingly I didn't see a copy of this elsewhere with a different spelling so I must have missed a rule somewhere along the way ;)

BTW Kelly, last night DURING my dreams I kept thinking "I have to tell Kelly this dream..." - And then I forgot it LOL! But I remember thinking I should tell you.

About the only part I do remember was an orange, black, and white iguana/lizard type thing that found its way into my room. I heard it rustling some papers (probably a sound in the "real world" making its way into my dream!) and then it came out from under a nightstand. It ended up being very affectionate and friendly (which also made me think of Josie and her don't kill reptiles post!) and later it became a ferret, and I was going through some angst re keeping it and making that commitment and also re: putting up a found pet sign. Because no one had put up a "lost pet" sign so I figured they didn't deserve him!

Other parts of my dream were more interesting, but that's the only part I remember. But I did think of you several times DURING the dream and think "I have to remember this..." :D

Noisy Quiet said...

Typo... That should have been Josie's "don't KISS reptiles" post.

Josie said...

Ha ha. I've seen a variation on that one which makes English simpler for Europe. . . I know that makes no sense but when you read it it does. Good work not kissing the "affectionate" lizard in your dream.
I mean, I'm dubious, the scarey peacocks and friendly iguanas. . .I don't know.
Josie x

Noisy Quiet said...

I saw a Euro version afterwards! But I figured it'd be redundant to post both.

It was a very friendly lizard. Much to my surprise. Kept nuzzling me :)

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