Mutant Egg

I wrote a post a while back (which I didn't post) about how I was developing an odd fear of eggs. The short version is that I once had an unfortunate experience with a batch of fertilized eggs. - It's not the worst scenario you can imagine, but it was bad enough that by egg number 2 or 3 I freaked out, threw out the carton, and couldn't deal with eggs for quite some time. That was many years ago. In time, I resumed eating eggs and life in the egg department has since been uneventful.

Recently, a carton of eggs I bought tasted different. They hadn't gone bad, they just had a different flavor. I rationalized that it was probably due to the feed. Nevertheless, for some reason, that carton of eggs brought up my latent fear of eggs, and I noticed that each time I went to crack open one of those eggs I was having a slight panic attack. I know this doesn't make sense. I've had plenty of eggs since "the incident," both fertile and non,  and everything has been fine, so I tried to push through the irrational feelings. But over the next week or so, the "egg fear" persisted and I eventually decided to respect my inner "whatever" and not finish the carton. Which left me with two perfectly good eggs that I was just being WEIRD about.

What to do with the eggs...

My neighborhood has, at times, been loud at night. This hasn't been much of a problem recently, but with each new summer I never know how bad things might get. In anticipation of a potentially loud summer, I decided the eggs might be useful as ammunition. Far easier than trying to pour water down a cardboard ramp to ensure maximum dousage while only opening the window a crack (Go ahead, picture that. It works. And it makes it harder for the drunks, drug dealers, passersby to figure out which window just threw a bucket of water on them.) And hey, if the eggs went rotten? All the better. However, the summer was relatively uneventful, noise wise, so the eggs remained in my fridge.

- And now, one of them is beginning to mutate.

The mutant egg is getting a whitish sticky film on the outside of its shell. At first I thought something had spilled on it so I cleaned it. That's right. I cleaned my rotten eggs with soap and water then carefully returned them to my fridge. Within a few days, one of the eggs was covered in the white stuff again.

It's a little disturbing.

I'm guessing the gasses are pushing the egg white out through the pores of the shell. I'd take a picture of it but I don't think the goop would show, and I'm a little afraid that the flash might send out some kind of "ultra infra something" beam and cause the egg to explode.

Now I'm getting freaked out all over again.

Yes I know. THROW THEM OUT! - I'm not a complete moron. But in their current mutant state, I feel like I can't just toss them in the trash. That could cause them to detonate! I need to carefully walk them outside to the trash, or seal them in a padded plastic container in a bomb squad like manor.

That or get lucky and have a jerk outside tonight.


Anny Sabine said...

I laughed so hard reading this.
It's funny that you mention fertilized eggs, see I've started eating a lot of eggs since my diet and I have this constant fear of cracking an egg with something weird in it. I don't even know why because this has never ever happened to me or to anyone I know, it's really super uncommon so it's an unreasonable fear. Yet I cringe every time I crack an egg.

As for mutant eggs, my fear of mould (yeah you heard me, I'm afraid of mould. Like legit afraid) would probably make me run screaming from those eggs. I genuinely hope you find some drunkard to throw them at, it would make a wonderful story ;)

Thanks for giving me a laugh, ahah!

Stella said...

Sheesh, and I think I overthink things! Yeah, throw them out!

Noisy Quiet said...

Anny: I'm not a fan of mold either, but I figured with the eggs any rotting would be contained. That is, until that one started mutating!

Stella: Overthink? You know, if I didn't blog anonymously, I'd tell YOU to come over here and throw the darned things out! ;)

I just have to remember to take them with me when I go out, and I keep forgetting. I remember my keys, my wallet... but somehow "don't forget the mutant eggs" doesn't come to mind when I leave the house.

Kelly said...

OMG this is awesome. And horrifying. I have been a very picky eater all my life and I know all too well how easy it is to go off of something for the slightest reason. I have never had a problem with eggs. Now I probably will! ;)

Noisy Quiet said...

Oops. Sorry about that! :D

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