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There's Porn in my lobby

I think most buildings have a place where residents know to leave things they no longer want, that they think someone else might be able to use. Things like clothes, electronics that still work, books... and today, porn.

There's a whole bunch of porn videos in my lobby today, mixed in with a few horror movies and a couple of possibly ok videos. 

The thing is... and, here's my dilemma... I don't know if it's good porn. I mean let's face it. I'm curious. But there's a lot of tapes. And once upon a time I did pick up a couple of porn tapes out of curiosity, and they were terrible. I don't mean morally - It's porn so my expectations were not high. But they were BORING. Seriously boring. Depressingly so. I felt bad for the people in it, I felt bad for people who watched the video. It was that bad.

So now there's a bunch of tapes down there, and I'm curious. Are any of them any good? I mean, I'm not a porn aficionado. I have no idea what those titles are. Most of the names are fairly discreet sounding, but there's one that doesn't even have a name. It just has a catalog number and a big "Viewer Discretion Advised!" label. 

The thought occurred to me that I could just grab them ALL - All 25 or so tapes, and go through them to find out which, if any, are good, and throw out the rest (because I would throw them out.) But here's the thing... what if I DIE? I mean it. What if I die tomorrow, and there's this whole box of PORN in my house, 20 or so tapes of it, and not only that, but 20 or so tapes of BAD porn. Is that a risk I can take? Two or three good tapes for people to find, so they have something to talk about when I'm gone... maybe. But an entire box of bad porn? I don't know. That's not how I want to be remembered. "She had bad porn... so sad... Perhaps she didn't know..."

Maybe I could do a quick speed through of them... you know... fast forward... quick preview... discard the bad ones.... As a public service... -to spare someone else.

Then there's also the part of me that wonders if it's a cosmic trap. Like maybe there's anthrax in them. Or some highly contagious disease lying in wait for the person who PICKS UP THE PORN!

You know what the real problem is? I think too much. I could be watching porn right now, but instead I'm writing in my blog.   

 

2 Comments:

Kelly said...

LOL. That's hilarious. And here I was just going to comment on your post about cures for low grade fever, to ask how exactly a person was supposed to ensure that they're able to sleep a full 24 hours - because I know I certainly can't, unless I am really, really depressed or really, really determined, and in that case I would probably spend at least 12 hours laying prone and staring at the ceiling. But perhaps if you had bad porn to bore you into sleeping... Just make sure you write a note on the box, in case the low grade fever kills you. Something like "This isn't mine. Honest." That might work. :)

Noisy Quiet said...

Hi Kelly!

Re sleeping 24 hours - Not a problem when I'm sick. I'm pretty amazed at that myself! Of course being single helps - vs being in a house full of people! So do ear plugs :)

Re a "disclaimer" note, yeah, I thought about that too! Maybe I could take it a step further... I could write "I'm holding these for so and so..." -Can you imagine someone dies and has a note in a box of porn saying it's YOURS?! ROFL!

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