Brain Fog

I need a brain lighthouse.

Or a can of compressed brain air to whoosh the fog away.

Or maybe my brain needs to move to Arizona.... Or the Sahara...

Or maybe I just need to be a boy.

- Or a drunk.

I think they get brain fog too but they don't seem to notice as much or care :P

Sunblock

I saw a package of sunblock that I thought said "Weightloss Sunblock." Needless to say that got my attention. I mean heck, what could be better?

Sadly, what it really said was Weightless Sunblock.

- I think what I originally read would be a far better product.

In a galaxy far far away... I'll be having a panic attack

Yesterday's One Word exercise (Galaxy) reminded me of a fear I have of not knowing my way home if I ever get stranded outside of our solar system.

Who has fears like this? Apparently I do. Or at least one was fostered in me about fifteen or so years ago at a planetarium.

I was sitting in the dark auditorium, looking up at the (fake) night sky, as stars and comets and little arrows whisked all over the place pointing out this feature or that. I want to say the narrator's voice in this presentation was Robin Williams but I might be mistaken. Maybe Billy Crystal? Anyway, this was not like planetarium shows I'd watched as a child, with specs of light. This was a whole surround sound video type of thing.

At one point the video showed an example of just how small we and our planet are. The view zoomed out to show a continent... a familiar sight. Then further to show our planet.... also familiar (Look! That's home!) and then further out to show our solar system... (That's us! Third rock from the sun! Look how pretty our solar system is!) and then further out to show our solar system amongst many others.

Right about this point my brain came to a screeching halt as I realized that I had no idea which of those stars was our own solar system. Next the view zoomed to a picture of our galaxy. This made me feel a tiny bit better. Our galaxy's images are, again, familiar. Then they zoomed out to show our galaxy amidst BILLIONS of other galaxies.... and that's when I panicked. And this panic was not alleviated by the view zooming further and further and further out and my realizing OMG I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY PLANET IS!!! HOW WOULD I GET HOME if I was THIS FAR OUT IN SPACE??!!!!!!

I seriously panicked! I was staring at the ceiling of the planetarium thinking "I have no idea how to find or figure out which galaxy is ours!" I had no frame of reference. I know how to identify our planet within our solar system and I know that we (supposedly) live in a spiral galaxy, but if there were a BAZILLION points of light spread out in front of you, who would have the TIME (or the FUEL!) to check out the INFINITE number of possibilities! I couldn't even narrow it down to a cluster! No clue. No idea whatsoever how to identify which little spec of light might be ours, and which direction to go if I ever got "out" that far.

I had to keep telling myself, in my head, "You're still ON Earth, you're sitting in a planetarium in a museum, you haven't gone anywhere and oh btw, YOU VERY LIKELY NEVER WILL!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!" I even made myself look around at the room and the chairs and the people, to try to ground myself, but my brain kept yelling back at me "Yeah but WHAT IF???!!!"

You know what finally made me calmer? When the video zoomed back down little by little, back to our galaxy, our solar system, our planet, our continent, and then finally, to us. THAT put my whole body back into a relaxed state. Not my telling myself anything logical! No! My brain had been freaked out by images, and that's what it took to calm it back down. Those same images in reverse!

To this day I'm still surprised by how immersed I was and how freaked out I got once I couldn't recognize "landmarks" (space marks?) past a certain distance from "home." This has since been a source of amusement and slight concern to me. (Concern because who takes something like that seriously? Again, apparently that would be ME.)

So I thought about that again yesterday, when I had the word "Galaxy" at One Word (I also thought "NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!" - Which I quoted backwards yesterday. My bad. It sounds better to me the other way.) Anyway, I remembered seeing these once upon a time and wondered if I could find them again.

I did. They're here: Location Earth Dog Tags. (And they come with a money back guarantee if aliens fail to understand the map and bring you home while you're wearing one of these.)

But they seemed to be lacking in information. So I looked up the original Pioneer Plaque drawing,

Click picture to "embiggin"

which still leaves something to be desired in its clarity, but all things considered, it's the best I've got at the moment. (More on that image here.)

Both images are now downloaded to my iphone, which puts me in a slightly better position if I ever leave Earth while out on a walk or running some errands (and also if my phone is charged and I have a compatible power source to re-charge it "wherever.") If, however, I'm ever abducted from my bed, I'm pretty much hosed. Well... if I were ever abducted from my bed I'd be pretty much hosed with or without directions to get home.

* FYI, I've never had a fear of alien abductions. The fear was really just about how I wouldn't know how to get home from too far out in space!

More About My Supehero

* See yesterday's post for picture.

Ok so here's the deal...

First, let me say that the entire outfit, while being super comfortable, light weight, breathable, water repellant, odor resistant, and fantastic protection from the elements, is also bullet proof/fire proof/acid proof, and alien slime proof. It might even be volcano and nuclear bomb proof.

The cape: I know about capes and supeheroes, and I agree they're a bad idea. They get in the way, they get caught in things, they're not aerodynamic.... the things can kill you. -But they LOOK so COOL!!!!! In my world the cape works. 'Nuff said.

Black and purple: Why not. I also thought of going dark green but then I looked like Robin Hood.

The hair: That's pretty much how my hair would look on a very good day with a good cut. Unless it's tied back. I know... Ponytail, not good on a superhero. Turns into a big handle for them to grab you by. Long hair is also out as it can get caught in things. I figure mine's a decent compromise. Like the cape, in my world my superhero hair doesn't get caught in stuff, get in my eyes, or get in the way. It may also be bullet proof...

The shirt dress thing: It was the best option for me out of what was available. If the Superhero store gets new fashions I could upgrade.

Wonder Woman cuffs: - That's what they are. Do you not know your Superheroes? I saw those and was all "MINE!" :) (I know... Marvel.... D.C..... They're still Wonder Woman cuffs!) Big Wonder Woman fan as a kid. Luckily they're not restrictive at all and you don't even feel them or know that they're there! And of course they're bullet proof.

The claws: Bit of a fantasy. A few people I'd like to use them on. They're sans "Wolverine pain" too. Mine aren't grafted. They're more like phased in and out and guided by my movements but not attached to me per se. They're "in sync" with me. In a pinch they're also convenient for infiltrating computer systems, and picking locks.

The torch: Why not. A torch could be fun. And you don't really know that it's a regular torch. It could be a plasma torch, or my sidekick lifeform, or it could be a communicator...

... It could be cotton candy

- I could be a very hungry superhero.

Utility belt: Miraculously, you can't feel this thing at all either. It never falls off or gets in the way or gets caught on anything, nor do any of those pouches, enclosures, or any of the contents. -And it's there because that's my preferred way to carry things. I don't do well with things on my back or hanging off my shoulders. A good utility belt is practical. I haven't decided what's in it.

Leggings: I always wore leggings. I'd wear them again if I looked like that.

Boots: Of all the footwear options, these looked the most comfortable and the most practical. I liked the sneakers (Trainers? Tennies?) too, but these went better with the outfit. Heels and/or sandals while chasing a bad guy seem counter productive (people go on about capes?) These are like wearing pajamas except that they perfectly support every single motion of your feet and absorb all impacts. Even when you jump from ridiculous heights.

What's not in the picture:  No mask (have you ever worn a mask? Could you see anything?), no headwear (gives me a headache), and no tail (One less thing to get sucked into an air jet.)

Me as a Superhero

- If I was thinner and had cool clothes...

Create your own Superhero!

(Don't worry, your secret identity is safe with me!)

The Remote

I used to wish that I had a zapper to zap people I hated to... well...  "The Aisle of people I hate."

It'd be like a tv remote. I'd carry it with me and I could just zap people as I went. Point.... zap. No fuss. No drama. Just gone from this existence and banished to a place where they could all annoy and aggravate each other. They'd deserve that. And of course, they could never ever leave. 

But then, I thought it through a bit more (as I do with all my insane fantasies) and I realized what would happen next. -Someone would get ahold of my remote and zap ME to that other world which would be populated ONLY by people I hate and can't stand  -and I would never ever be able to leave.